"Embracing Otherness, Embracing Myself"

On Sunday I watched a Ted Talk by an actress named Thandie Newton that was required of us to watch before Monday. It was a very interesting Ted Talk that really gets you thinking. There were a few things from it that stuck out to me and I wanted to share my reactions to it.

One of the things Thandie said as she was describing her life was: "Another world was opening up around this time: performance and dancing. That nagging dread of self-hood didn't exist when I was dancing. I'd literally lose myself. And I was a really good dancer. I would put all my emotional expression into my dancing. I could be in the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life, in myself." It hit me because for a long time I was someone who loved to read books, watch movies, and listen to music because I just love stories. And I also loved getting lost in them since I felt like it was better than my reality. I also did Theatre when I was a Senior in High School and could really relate to what Thandie said about losing herself in a role. I don't really lose myself in fantasties anymore like I used to but this was a quote from Thandie that really resonated with me when I heard it.

At one point Thandie was talking about herself and said: "I had a degree from Cambridge; I had a thriving career, but my self was a car crash, and I wound up with bulimia and on a therapist's couch." I felt bad but I couldn't help but laugh when she said herself was a car crash because I couldn't tell you how many times I have felt like that in my life. And I still do sometimes! I describe myself as being a mess ALL THE TIME because I honestly am SUCH A MESS more times than not (I never feel like I'm put together) but a car crash is a much more descriptive image and I like it a lot better so it may be my new way of describing myself when I feel like I'm a mess. When I heard her say that I honestly felt like it just fit me in a nutshell.

During the talk Thandie said: "I still valued self-worth above all other worth, and what was there to suggest otherwise? We've created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self" and it hit me like a ton of bricks. For a long time in my life I was very selfish. It wasn't that I didn't care about other people...I could just care less. I was on a Mission Trip last Summer and came back a completely different person and was a lot more selfless than when I left to go on my Mission Trip. When Thandie said that I just felt like it really related to me because I used to be so focused on only me, my life, and my success but now that I invest in others and put others before myself I have so much more joy in my life than when I was selfish and only focused about what was going on in my life. Plus it's a lot less boring now than it used to be. 

Later during the talk Thandie said: "I always wondered why I could feel others' pain so deeply, why I could recognize the somebody in the nobody. It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way. I thought I lacked substance, and the fact that I could feel others' meant that I had nothing of myself to feel." Before I went on my Mission Trip I didn't really feel for other people. I mean...I did a little bit but I honestly didn't even really feel for my own self and emotions. I was at a point where I was simply going through the motions and had become numb to my own emotions, much less everyone else. While I was on my Mission Trip I took the Myer-Briggs Personality Test and found out that my personality type is an ESFJ. The most important part of my personality type that relates to this Ted Talk is the "F" which means I'm a feeler. Every since I've gone on my Mission Trip instead of being numb to everyone and everything like I used to be...NOW I FEEL IT ALL. I'm not kidding. & Now I'm not sure which one is easier to do. It's tough to go about day to day life and not feel anything but I honestly believe that it's just as hard to feel everything as well. I'm currently just taking one day at a time and am trying to figure out a balance of  the whole 'feeling' thing as I go.

The thing that Thandie said that I honestly loved THE MOST from the Ted Talk was: "And when I realized and really understood that my self is a projection and that it has a function, a funny thing happened. I stopped giving it so much authority. I give it its due. I take it to therapy. I've become very familiar with its dysfunctional behavior. But I'm not ashamed of my self. In fact, I respect my self and its function. And over time and with practice, I've tried to live more and more from my essence. And if you can do that, incredible things happen." I thought it was pretty powerful. I know I keep going back to my Mission Trip I went on last year but it was truly a Life-Changing Summer for me with a lot of Self-Discovery. I used to not be okay with who I was and I couldn't stand where I was in life and wanted to be ANYWHERE ELSE but where I was at in the moment and now I can honestly say that I am finally okay with who I am and actually love where I'm at and mean it. & It's such a wonderful place to be.

One thing that Thandie said that I REALLY LIKED and also relates to my reactions from when she was talking about feeling other's pain is: "Because, hey, if we're all living in ourselves and mistaking it for life, then we're devaluing and desensitizing life...So here's a note to self: The cracks have started to show in our constructed world, and oceans will continue to surge through the cracks, and oil and blood, rivers of it." Once again...I can really relate to this because of my Mission Trip last Summer. I feel like it also goes back to Thandie feeling like a car crash. One thing I've learned since my Mission Trip is none of us are perfect and we don't have to pretend we are. Life is so much better when we don't try to be something we're not. I'm a very blunt, open, honest person and I wear my heart on my sleeve (I should probably work on having a better filter at times) but I feel like it's so much better to be straight forward. One of my pet peeves is when people try to beat around the bush. I CANNOT STAND IT when people try to skirt around the truth. I mean...Just give it to me straight and I'll do the same for you. That's honestly all that I ask and I'll be happy.  

As a closing to the Talk Thandie said: "Crucially, we haven't been figuring out how to live in oneness with the Earth and every other living thing. We've just been insanely trying to figure out how to live with each other -- billions of each other. Only we're not living with each other; our crazy selves are living with each other and perpetuating an epidemic of disconnection. Let's live with each other and take it a breath at a time. If we can get under that heavy self, light a torch of awareness, and find our essence, our connection to the infinite and every other living thing. We knew it from the day we were born. Let's not be freaked out by our bountiful nothingness. It's more a reality than the ones our selves have created. Imagine what kind of existence we can have if we honor inevitable death of self, appreciate the privilege of life and marvel at what comes next. Simple awareness is where it begins." And I feel like there's nothing that I can say to add to that.

12:41 Let's live with each other and take it a breath at a time. If we can get under that heavy self, light a torch of awareness, and find our essence, our connection to the infinite and every other living thing. We knew it from the day we were born."